• Respond, in your own words, and referencing your own experiences, to the validity of Gay’s question: “What if joy and pain are fundamentally tangled up with one another?” //

I love this quote, it’s such a great example of the saying “two sides of the same coin.” Absolutely the two go hand in hand, you can’t have one without the other. Light and darkness, yin and yang, joy and sorrow.

• Gay advocates that we “lay down our swords and invite sorrow in.” What does he mean? Do you agree? Why or why not? //

When Gay says to “lay down our swords” he’s telling us to surrender, to accept that sorrow is a natural, unavoidable emotion. Yes, it will feel uncomfortable and unpleasant, but when it’s ready it will leave and you will be okay. Yes, it may come back, but you will be okay.

• What, very specifically, incites joy in your life? Make a specific/descriptive list of at least ten things: the moment just before my favorite band walks on stage; walking through crunchy leaves; the feeling after a difficult but fruitful conversation, etc. Be as specific as possible. //

I don’t know that I can give you ten examples. As someone with major depressive disorder intense emotions- either positive or negative, are difficult to come by. But I know that I love animals, they bring me joy. I know I shared in class sitting in the giant tortoise pit, but I can share so many more times when animals have brought a smile to my face, a light to my darkness.
There was an 8-month-old alpaca named Lennox (picture attached) who needed to be harness-trained. I was more than happy to get him started, and even though he was nervous he did a great job and I was so proud.
There was a feral cat at the cat shelter I volunteer at named Jax (picture attached) who was having trouble opening up and letting people in. While we see this all the time, there was this fear in his eyes, this defeated demeanor that stuck with me. After working with him for months and we were at the petting stage, I guess I crossed a boundary when I pet near his butt. He nipped at me and then instantly backed up and looked fearful. I would never purposefully hurt an animal, and I understood that Jax was just setting a boundary with me. But when I held out my hand and he let me pet him again showed me that he was finally beginning to trust, maybe for the first time. He gave me slow blinks, nuzzling my hand, and I did my best to reassure him that setting boundaries and communicating is okay.
I remember my first solo animal rescue, a hypothermic skunk. In the state of CT it’s illegal to house a skunk because of their frequency for rabies (so don’t tell anyone…) and no one I called would take him. So I did, I put him in a cat carrier on top of a heating pad with a bowl of warm water in my garage. And a couple of hours later he wandered away on his own. The first rule of animal rehab is to not name the animal so that you don’t get attached, so I only named him after he left- Frosty (picture attached).
I hope this suffices…

• What do you notice about your list? What does the list reveal about you and the ways in which you engage with the world? //

Well, obviously, animals bring me joy. Helping animals brings me joy. Being around animals brings me joy. I love animals, and I feel sorrow and grief when I lose one. Working in rehab is hard, but loss is a part of life. “It hurts just as much as it is worth.” And that pain means it’s worth it.